Upon landing in the PNW, almost a month ago, I thought for sure I would be hiking in the mountains every day. However, I have taken to the water as much as possible and during my time on mainland I have found myself enjoying simple bike rides to coffee shops, taking long evening walks and to marvel at the neighborhood flowers, exploring with watercolors, making food and chatting over tea, luxuriating in lengthy mornings, picking raspberries in the alley and committing to a daily writing practice.

Protecting my creative sovereignty has been the theme.

Living in a camper van, living half of the year on the road, people perceive me as always being on holiday. I will admit, it has been challenging at times for me too, to find my routine, flow and boundaries with this kind of lifestyle. But with practice, I am learning my patterns that show up when traveling to a new place; what I need to feel grounded, how many days it takes to feel settled, what distracts me and what keeps me focused.

In this process of finding a rhythm, I have had to set a lot of boundaries, with myself and those I am visiting, in order to protect my commitment to creativity. It can be the fist area of wellbeing to go overboard. Being in motion, everything must be put in its place before leaving which also means if I am immersed in an art project, it has to be put away. A camper is also a tiny space, so keeping it clean of clutter usually takes president to creativity because one little thing out of place and it looks a lot like chaos. So, creativity tends to wait and wait like a child waiting to play, and sometimes it doesn't like waiting and finds something else to do.


To most folks, someone living in a camper van, being a traveler on the road means they have no structure. They are boundless, free and without focus. Yet, my freedom, solitude and liberated creativity requires structure.

Without a consistency, without boundaries, without some structure, creativity can come and go with the wind. Creativity does not stay long without our attention and commitment.

So often our creativity is undervalued and put last on the list of priorities; doing the dishes, cleaning the fridge, taking the dog for a walk, calling your mom... we can think of anything to distract us from connecting to our creativity... ourselves!

I have had to create the discipline to shut out the world and write every day. No matter what may try to get in the way. By doing so, it has built a lot of trust with myself. If creativity were a child for example, it knows I am making the time for it and care about it. To be in integrity with our creative sovereignty is to be consistent with our word and actions, showing up again and again over time.


The more I commit to my creativity... exercise it like a muscle, feed it like a newborn child...the more I am hungry for it. The more it becomes a living breathing part of me that I cannot live without.


I have fallen in love with my creative sovereignty and solitude, and I can't get enough.


"Love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away... and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast.... be happy about your growth, in which of course you can't take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don't torment them with your doubts and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust.... and don't expect any understanding;" Rainer Maria Rilke,  Letters to a Young Poet


When I reflect on my creative journey, there was a time I was so terrified of feeling loneliness, and I often would put my creative voice last in line. I was so terrified of being abandoned that I distracted myself with caring and caretaking others before myself. I helped others toward their dreams and creative visions before my own so I was always needed and never alone. Essentially, I had abandoned myself (and my creativity).

Immersing myself into the wilderness and vast solitude was the sobering way to liberate myself of my fear of abandonment and trudge through the waters of my emotions.

My fear and addiction to abandonment has turned into a courage and commitment to myself and creative voice.

Immersing myself into natures wildness, I find my voice. My sexuality and embodied expression.

The quiet one that comes alive in solitude and company of wild things; talks with trees, river dips, basking in the golden hour and feet on the earth. From these places, I am imprinted with memories of myself. The plants, bugs, water and clay tell me stories about who I am. I feel at home.

I feel free. Safe.

Songs, gifts and art flow from the heart and hands with ease.

I move my body with complete trust in belonging and wholeness.


For many of us, like myself, the connections between body, earth, creativity and solitude are clouded or blocked by the demands and fast pace expectations of the capitalistic world. We are judged or judge ourselves for our creative embodiment so we hide it or stop it altogether. I want to add here that for me, creativity IS our sexuality. So often, when our creativity is blocked, our sexuality is also blocked. Similarly, if we were judged for expressing our sexual nature, we may hide or suppress it.


Every day there are distractions to deter us from committing to our creativity. You might read the word creativity and find your inner critic saying "Oh geez, creativity is for children. Creativity sounds so cheesy. Who has time to be creative when I need to pay the bills? Whats the point? It's not productive. After I do the dishes I can start that painting I've talked about for months. After everyone else is taken care of I will write my book. Creativity is selfish." Our inner critic sounds a lot like the voices of the outside world. There's fare few relatable guides to turn to or who will cheer our creative nature on. Far too few mentors who value and understand the devotion, discipline and courage it takes to be with the vasteness of our body, creativity, solitude and sexual nature.


However, it is not too late to protect and revive your creative sovereignty!


This is the beauty of it; you are your creative sovereignty! You just have to show up, again and again and again and again... and again, to build trust with yourself. To get past these critical voices screaming, "You're not doing it right. There's so much else that needs to be done... the world is a disaster and you're making art?!"

The more we commit to our creativity, the more we are committing to our sovereignty, solitude, and sexuality. The more we commit to ourselves, our aliveness, joy and purpose. The more others remember their creative voice; how to return to their body, their feelings. To return home to themselves and find belonging on this beautiful wild Earth.


I invite you to give yourself the spacious kind of morning and meal at home as if you were on holiday. Pack a picnic and your journal to the park. Take a walk even when it is raining. Learn to sail no matter what age you are. Sing to the trees on your next hike. Give yourself a week of solitude to see what happens.

Wildly,

Hannah


*Each of these photographs and watercolor paintings were made during the last 2 months, inspired by travels. Creating art, writing and editing photographs from travels is a way for me to integrate my experiences; the lessons learned, the changes, challenges and growth, the emotions felt and the people and wild places that moved me.

Sharing my travels through artwork, photographs and writing is a way of telling my story and connecting with you so you feel a part of the journey with me.